Sleepless Nights
by CaskettFeels
Summary: 7x06 sort of insert. I don't even know. Castle hasn't been sleeping and neither have I. Lol.


Beckett looked at the clock on the nightstand and groaned at the beary red numbers shining back at her. 4:43am; those were such offensive numbers. She rolled over onto her back in the darkness of the bedroom and sighed to herself. She noticed a lack of breathing beside her, a lack of presence and turned to look towards Castle's side of the bed to find that her fiance was not there. Her hand reached out, and found the sheets were cool. She wondered where he was, how long he had been gone and what had pulled him from their bed in the middle of the night.

She tossed the covers off her legs, and stretched her limbs until she felt the familiar burn. Swinging her legs over the edge of the mattress, she slipped on her slippers and reached for her house robe in lieu of her little boy shorts and shirt that Castle had thrown across the room earlier that night. He should have been sleeping soundly next to her, perhaps lightly snoring, after the two rounds they had just hours ago. She thought she would have tired him out after his first sleepless night, though, of course, that wasn't the only reason. Since his return, since they finally took the plunge (again) and consummated their relationship, they had been going at it like rabbits.

Just the thought, the lingering muscle memory, brought a smile on her face as she tied the sash at her waist and shuffled out of the bedroom. She expected to find Castle in his study, but the lit up room was empty. The laptop rested on top of the desk, open, screensaver mocking with its '_You should be writing'_ scrolling across the screen, which meant that he was around somewhere.

Next stop, the living room. Where she found him made her heart race. Standing before the window, arms crossed on his chest, Castle was looking out at the street down below. She snuck up behind him, arms coming to slip around his waist, fingers splaying across his stomach, mouth pressed to his shoulder blade in time to feel him startle. "Sorry," she mumbled against the black cotton of his v-neck shirt. Instantly, he relaxed in her arms, leaned back just slight in her embrace. She was mentally cursing herself for sneaking up on him. He'd been somewhat jumpy for weeks now, and she could understand that. At least, he was getting better.

"What are you doing up?" he inquired, his voice low and rough in the stillness of the loft.

"Missed my partner," she answered, squeezing him, seeking and giving comfort at the same time, regardless of what he needed comfort for. "I've slept alone too much recently." It slipped out before she could stop it, and now that it was out there, she couldn't - wouldn't - take it back, because it was the truth, however brutally honest. He tensed again, reaching a hand out to rest on the edge of the window. He felt the chill from outside pierce through the window and stab at his palm.

HIs jaw was tight, and she knew she had upset him, picked at the still healing wound, reopened it with just six words she meant, and yet hadn't meant to say at the same time. "Why are you up?" Beckett asked, turning her head to press her cheek on his back, his strong, wall of a back. Two months… she missed this so much, and she was holding it right then and there and she was still _missing_ it - as if that was even possible.

"Not tired," he replied tersely. His other hand came to rest atop one of hers and gave an affectionate pat. "You should go back to bed, though." Castle nodded his head, as if he was trying to convince himself that was the right thing. Part of him wanted to open up right then and there, tell her everything that was swirling through his mind. "Don't stay up on account of me." The other part, the one that was selfishly protecting _himself_ was the part that was winning this war. Head and Heart, never shall the two see eye to eye. In all honesty, he had been choked up over it, earlier, and if she were to look into his eyes now, she would see the evidence of it there. Just a few more minutes and maybe he'd be able to keep it to himself a while longer, blink it all away, and take control over his emotions.

"Oh, Castle," she whispered. _Just tell me what's going on in here_.

"Kate, I'm just not tired," he promised, tried to reassure.

"Then just come and lay down with me?" It was tentative, and she expected to be shot down instantly, but she was left hanging for five… ten… fifteen seconds. She wasn't letting go of him until he gave her an answer, whatever it might've been. If he needed space, she would try to respect that, no matter how much it hurt that he was keeping her at arms length for the time being.

He sighed, slow and deep, head hung in defeat, because how could he deny her? Castle turned in her arms and looked down at her, nodded his head in compliance. Beckett grabbed his hand and pulled him into her, and found herself wrapped in his tight embrace. Two months. It still haunted her, haunted them. Things weren't the same yet, and probably never would be again, but they could make it work, she felt it in her bones. If he could break through her walls, she was determined to break through his.

Castle held her tightly, pressed a kiss to the crown of her head and felt her shiver in response. _I'm not good enough,_ he thought to himself. It had been on his mind for weeks, those same weeks in which he had selfishly indulged in his fiancee, but underneath knew that she would be better off without him. It was selfish. He knew that. Holding her in his arms now he knew that it was selfish.

What was he supposed to do? He didn't _want_ to let her go, but he couldn't help the dark thoughts that were swirling through his mind. Maybe he wasn't the one for her. "Come to bed," she urged him, pulling him in that direction. "You _must_ be tired."

In all honesty, he was, but he wasn't. His brain wouldn't turn off. It made him restless. She had woken up last night, too, but opted to remain in bed when she heard the clicking of the keys on his laptop.

Beckett stopped at her side of the bed, her eyes trailing Castle as he walked towards his side of the bed. When he crawled under the covers, she quickly removed her robe, which was enough to give him pause, and stare appreciatively at her naked form. She gave him a sultry smile, sliding under the covers with him. She siddled up next to him, taking in his warmth and he immediately pulled her against him. "I would have thought I wore you out," she whispered, tongue snaking out to the shell of his ear. She felt him shiver. "Two nights, babe. What's got you up?"

Oh, the words were on the tip of his tongue that would shine the light on his doubt. His hand held Beckett's and slowly began dragging it downward until her small fingers found purchase under his boxers. "You do."

_But I'm not good enough for you._

**_A/N: A story that probably means nothing to everyone. Haha. Oh well! The wedding was sooooooo them! I must make a video for it..._**


End file.
